Super Street Fighter 4: Super Shallow Impressions

This guy in the Polo came over and got smoked.

Instead of reviewing Super Street Fighter IV, we thought we’d have a round robin tournament and document the results. If you haven’t bought it already, buy it. It’s only $40 and it’s a fucking blast to play. Dan felt like the game plays a bit faster than Vanilla SF4, but Alvin and I thought it was kinda more of the same shit except some people got buffed/debuffed. These changes are over my head, as I play Ken primarily and I do the same 5 moves.

Pre-tournament thoughts:

Alvin: I am probably the most knowledgeable fighting game fan here. The problem is, most of my knowledge is in games like BlazBlue, Eternal Fighter Zero and other better obscure games.

Al: Knowledgeable…debatable. You aren’t seeing me in Eternal Champions, Clayfighter, Primal Rage or Saturday Night Slam Masters. Definitely not the best at fighting games as well out of the four. For all you readers, Alvin was my whipping boy during our SFIV sessions. Also, I am a flowchart Ken. IN-DESU-TRACK-TAH-BURR.

I think I’m one of the many that had their fighting game interests reinvigorated after SFIV dropped, and I’m very excited for the new characters. Nothing beats choppy haired women in Gi’s.

Dan: SCRUBS? Talk about yourself chump. I’m real excited for this. Looks faster, looks like the new ultras are fun and the new characters (Hakan and Juri) look actually new. It’s really time to oil up.

Final Fantasy XIII Recap

“Final Fantasy XIII”. The mere mention of its name is a beacon for fanboys and trolls. We at the Jobber Cartel, being the trolls and fanboys that we are – we’re not immune to its charms. Does one of the most anticipated games of the generation live up to the hype?

Fools

Dan: First posts are weird. Especially when they’re on this day when there is nothing but tom-foolery floating around the internet. I mean, should I partake in this? Or should I just write something genuine? Anyway, here goes.

BUY OR PASS

Al: From the ESRB website, a fantastic synopsis about the upcoming Dead Or Alive: Paradise title for PSP:

This is a collection of mini-games, based on the Dead or Alive game series, in which players assume the role of a bikini-clad female character on vacation on a tropical island. Players engage in daily activities that can include hopping across floating pads on a pool and beach volleyball. Players earn credits after each activity that can be used to purchase new outfits, accessories, and gifts to give other female characters on the island. Players can earn additional credits at the island casino as they wager credit in slot machines and in games of poker and black jack. Some purchasable outfits include string bikinis, one-piece thongs, and sling bikinis. Sling bikinis and thongs often provide very little coverage of breast and bare buttocks. Throughout the game players can view characters engaging in variety of activities—pole dancing, stretching, gyrating to music, and climbing trees. Characters are frequently displayed in compromising position (e.g., buttocks up in the air, legs splayed open, straddling tree trunks, etc.) during these activities. These scenes can often feel voyeuristic as players control the camera to rotate, pan, and zoom in on various body parts as they photograph the characters in different poses.

Verdict: Buy. Kokoro! Lei Fang! Ayane! Here I c…oh. No. Close one.

Long’s Top 5 Games of The Decade

Long : “All right Shadow… time for me to finish this!”

Alvin’s Top 5 of the Decade

Alvin: My top 5 games of the past 10 years, in no particular order:

1) Baldur’s Gate 2: Shadows of Amn

2) World of Warcraft

3) Saint’s Row 2

4) Capcom vs SNK 2

5) Half Life 2

Rationales after the jump…

Al’s Top 5 Games Of The Decade

Al: I play a lot of videogames. Probably more than your average…whatever. I have no lovely transition to dovetail this into, so here’s my list of the top 5 videogames of the decade:

If you like girls, you’re…gay?

In late September, a Chinese MMO company started banning accounts of Male players that play female characters ingame. The reason for the bans is that they firmly believe that you are a homosexual if you do, or that you like to watch your female avatar from behind… And apparently they feel that it shouldn’t be allowed to play a character of the opposite gender of your own.

via Ensidia.com

Alvin: So first and foremost, do you dispute the charge that you’re homosexual?

Al: I’m not homosexual. My girlfriend will corroborate this claim, but don’t ask her.

Tekken 6: Impressions

Tekken has re-inserted itself into my life. Now, I am not a big Tekken fan. After a short-lived love with Tekken 5, I parted ways with the series on less than amicable terms. Perhaps I was too much of a fighting game newbie to appreciate its finer points, like the crush system or the (insert something here). In spite of all these misgivings, I picked up Tekken 6 to give the series another chance.

Bayonetta: First Climax Impressions

Al: 11:47: This game was made by Sega? After all this time, I thought it was a Capcom game (Editor’s Note: Bayonetta is being directed by Hideki Kamiya, who’s associated with titles like Okami and Resident Evil). The last Platinum Games title I played was MadWorld, which was a game I liked but didn’t love. The demo is titled called “First Climax” apparently, which means I’m in for something that’s ultimately going to shape my life/internet habits forever.