The Jobber Cartel

Now back to the good part!

commandoscv — Sat, 14 May 2011 11:16:05 +0000

Breaks starting let’s get to work.

Don’t think I do coke because of how much I’ve been posting that image. I’m clean. I just find Scarface and coke hilarious. If you don’t you’re being too fucking serious, you should lighten up. So let’s talk about work… when the fuck is this podcast coming back?

A WET Review

Alvin — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 09:21:22 +0000

I don’t know what I was thinking when I saw you that fateful Walmart night. You were elegant in your simplistic and modest design, carried yourself with dignity and poise; that’s probably what got me. But when I picked you up and brought you home, there was an immediate and nagging feeling: would you be worth it?

I’ve been told that relationships are sometimes defined by their limits. This is one of those cases and sadly I realized how limited our relationship was going to be almost immediately. Birds gotta fly; fish gotta swim; I need that kind of freedom too. Don’t tell me I can and can’t go. And don’t hold me back from even trying, that’s even more annoying. Even in our intimate moments where we’re shooting up generic Triad soon-to-be-victim #85, you’re not giving me much to work with. It’s the same thing over and over again. Get in position, activate slow motion time, mash away until objectives are sated, repeat ad nauseum.

After spending a few hours with you, I don’t think you’re my type. And it’s definitely not your presentation, since you definitely have that down. The Tarentino-styled flourishes and homages tickled my fancy. Your music taste is impeccably fitting. But you’re shallow. You don’t challenge yourself to try new things. I don’t see myself getting much out of this relationship.

Sorry, but I think we’re probably better off friends. Thanks for the memories.

Song that sums up my feelings of the game: Felt (Slug and Murs) – Woman Tonight

So today at the library…

commandoscv — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 05:19:16 +0000

I go to my usual sleeping chair(Ya I’ve claimed a chair to sleep in) and suddenly this scruffy looking black dude tells me “excuse me sir” and walks past with three people following him. Now normally I would have no care of something like this but the way he spoke to me made me think something was wrong. He had the voice of someone mental. Like he had discovered the truth and he had to spread his message… I could tell just by his voice and I debated if I should move or continue taking my nap. I figured this might be entertaining so I decided to stay.

Pretty fucking dumb move on my part. I should have walked away the minute that guy said excuse me. “Well well well I’d like to thank you all to be here with me today, the good lord blesses us” he says… in that same crazy tone. Now I think fuck, I really should move but for some reason I want to see what madness someone wants to preach inside a fucking library. “Did you know my brothers and sister that we are in some deep doodoo today?” And he goes off reciting shit I just learned in Sociology the last 2 weeks. Ok so maybe he is just educating these people?? I’m very wrong again and really should just move class is soon and some rest never hurts.

Just as I’m about to leave the cops show up. So now I have to stay so I can semi-listen to what’s going on. Of course he is giving them that same crazy tone and they end up leaving him alone. He comes back and goes off again about the racism in this country and how he is treated wrong. Then he brings up everyone but white people and talks about how they are treated wrong as well. Then he brings up how Jesus was hebrew. Apparently hebrew is the African meaning of the word Judaism. Bet you didn’t know that or how the fuck it correlates to what he was talking about. Then he went from saying Jesus was hebrew to saying that he was a phoenix. He asked his followers if they knew what a phoenix was and one of them said rebirth… and I shit you not he said this “A phoenix is one who has been buried in the deepest waters and wakes up with no memory of what has happened”. Fucking Xmen?? Why are these people still listening to him? Why am I? So I left to go to class fully understanding the struggle that black america goes through and knowing that Jesus is hebrew Jean Grey.

Memoirs of a Jobber

Alvin — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 05:26:02 +0000

I just want to confirm what you may already know in your heart of hearts, the podcast may effectively be dead. I’ll be upfront and say this is all Long’s fault. After getting the “fire and brimstone” treatment on another podcast (about the 58 min mark, but listen to the whole thing since they’re quality people), he left the country. Not sure when he’ll be back, but we can’t podcast without him. Or the studio. On top of that, me and Dan aren’t on speaking terms and Al found employment. So yeah, it’s pretty much a wrap for the podcast.

For the record: I was against the podcast from the beginning and I’m the last one to turn off the lights. It sucks.

But as the only member of the Jobber Cartel with a semblance of a heart, I do have a parting gift to the faithful listeners and readers as a token for my appreciation. Here are some tidbits from my memoirs. Hope you get more enjoyment from them than I did experiencing them.

MEMOIRS OF A JOBBER (draft)

Al snapped again. A little tame compared to previous snaps, but memorable nevertheless. I think he set a new record for “tantrum to segment” ratio this recording session though. Sure, everyone politely defers to the self-dubbed “Mr. The Whole Fucking Show” but that’s only to prevent a repeat of last time. Eff. Seriously, his healthy sense of self-esteem is becoming a problem. We can’t even record a whole segment without him cutting the mic and shouting someone down.

Soon-to-be victim: “Hey, I’m going to have to disagree.”

Al: “That’s cool, I guess you love being wrong. You know who else loves being wrong? Otakus with body pillows and pedophiles. Are you serious, are you SERIOUSLY disagreeing with me? You know who makes this show? Me. You know who makes this podcast work? Me. Who do you think you are? The co-host? Get the fuck out of here with that garbage. You talk when spoken to. Do you know what my name is?”

Newly minted victim: “Bu-bu-”

Al: “Mr. The Whole Fucking Show. You know why? Because I’m The Whole Fucking Show. I hope you wake up to boos because that’s what you deserve for such a fucking shit life.”

I didn’t make up any of that.

The warm reception of the past couple of episodes might be getting to his head. He is the host and all, most energetic guy here, but the self-daps and fist into the air when he elicits a laugh is annoying. Whatever. Another mediocre episode in the can.

-Alvin

The Jobber Cartel Podcast – Season 2: Special!

Alvin — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 07:01:43 +0000

Dan and Alvin agree to sit down and answer some questions regarding their new feud. Harsh words were exchanged.

The Jobber Cartel – Season 2: C**ksmith 24/7

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The Jobber Cartel Podcast – Season 2: Episode 2

jobbercartel — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 22:12:13 +0000

Alvin goes to ComicCon, Dan goes to Garlic-Con. Both tell stories. Addenda to the Brocode book, Alvin’s very first CD purchase, a call in, and crazy coworkers. It’s fun to do bad things /Latarian.

The Jobber Cartel: Season 2: Episode 2

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The Jobber Cartel Podcast – Season 2: Episode 1

jobbercartel — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 09:08:34 +0000

A humongous episode. A crazy tone for the season is set. Listener awards, a Suckcheck without Alvin, deception chat, a contest that will have listeners going bananas, Listmania, and a call in from Listener of the Year. It’s been a long time, we shouldn’t have left you.

The Jobber Cartel: Season 2: Episode 1

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The Jobber Cartel Podcast – Episode 14

jobbercartel — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 18:32:02 +0000

The season finale! Long & Dan are back, and the crew talks about self-improvement, and things that were much better in the past. Also, Alvin makes a grave decision.

The Jobber Cartel – Episode 14

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A life altering choice.

jobbercartel — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 22:03:31 +0000

Red meat in traditional culinary terminology is meat which is red when raw and not white when cooked. Red meat includes the meat of most adult mammals and some fowl (e.g. ducks). In the nutritional sciences, red meat includes all mammal meat.

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The Jobber Cartel Podcast – Episode 13

jobbercartel — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 03:19:09 +0000

The unlucky #13! Al tries to carry the burden of running a show alone as all of the J Cartel has left him high and dry. He has a little bit of help from his friends though. Also, a girl on the show? TERRIFIC!

The Jobber Cartel – Episode 13

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